Welcome to YODAVILLE, for the Lighter side of Yoda.
The pages on this web site are designed to make you LAUGH ,say WOW, and to make your day a little BRIGHTER.
This site has JOKES, ODD FACTS, and anything else that Yoda might find funny.
So, if you do not find something funny on one page, try another , because humor and laughter, will help you on
those days when the DARK FORCES seem to be all around you.
Fuck the South
Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should
have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special
Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves -- yeah, those are states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're
the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America.
Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All
that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in
the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing
lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello?
Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?
No, No. Get the fuck out. We're
not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and
start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking
blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York
a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh
I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners
being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking
cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges,
All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking
Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane
you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s
a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.
The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money,
not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars
and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten
states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your
money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance?
Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.
Let’s talk about those values for a fucking
minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans
every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can
you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the
state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation.
Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole,
and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess?
10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing
its fucking part.
But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining
it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right?
Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday
morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners
don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes?
No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal
Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.
Well this gravy
train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical
bullshit and shove it up your ass.
And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.
Source: Fuck The South.com
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